iweepforwonder

i am a new woman.

that's the first time i can say it and really mean it and it feels really good. here's why. i think 25 years is long enough to live with inhibitions. those are gone now. to be honest, i had been creeping up to that line but that's over.

this past weekend, i went up to new york to have an action packed weekend with gina and action packed it was. the premise was britten's war requiem with ny phil (which turned out to be a HUGE bust) but ended up being a lot of amazing moments with gina, vanessa, heather and 1000 other people at webster hall. one of those 1000 is quite important because now that person is in my life.

in what way at this moment i can't really say but it's a beautiful thing. and the best thing about that is he's not the only one and i NEVER thought in my life i'd be able to say that but here i am, saying it! (boys like me? no!) but it's not just that. i go out with my friends in baltimore and have a ridiculous time while still working 40 hours a week, doing research and practicing (i could do a little more work on that last one) i think this is what your late 20's is supposed to feel like and damnit, i like it.

i leave for europe in five weeks. i can't get over that either. snd its not even so much that i'm going to europe but what i'm going for. playing bassoon? me? NEVER! and to have a teaching job and sound good it's just like blowing my mind.

i will say that every day or so i feel REALLY overwhelmed and i just have to remind myself to take it one day at a time which can get hard (especially since i think this is like the fastest moving summer i've ever experienced and i have SO much to do) but i just remind myself that i'm having fun and everything works out for the best. so far.

so far, so good.

okay so the last month has been BRUTAL. i've barely had time to think let alone update in livejournal. but it's all worth it because i am now officially finished with my first master's degree! my recital was amazing and i'm just really proud of myself. now it's time for me to embark on a slightly new journey...it'll be newer in a year but you know, whatever.

so, let's see. i have a thesis topic. i have a thesis advisor. i'm playing the baroque bassoon. i'm going to iceland. i'm TAing three classes. my profs are fighting over what Ph.D. programs i should apply to (okay not fighting, just playfully bickering) things are good.

and yes, peabody is on the brink of collapse, i have no job and neither do any of my friends and i have nightmares about failing the above mentioned items. but in PK's words, i will suck it up!.

...and i will never sleep again.

on sunday, i listened to ian bostridge give a fabulous schubert recital at shriver...and then I MET HIM. he signed my copy of the wanderer and i took a picture with him and julius drake. i told him i was his biggest fan and that he was the reason i was doing britten scholarship which he was glad to hear. i could have said more but that would have been weird, right?

oh sweet god he was beautiful. end of life.

so the g-mother died on saturday.

i don't want to say anything else, i just want the record.

"i might have been angry and you might have been annoyed but in the end, it's just my lips and your lips. i don't know when i'll see you again. some say soon but i have my doubts. but until that time, i'll play schumann late at night and close my eyes. i'll think of you and your smile and that night that we laughed and laughed. 'brighter days will soon be here', the song says. now that's something i can believe in."

right now, i am wearing my blue peabody sweatshirt, am about to eat some leftover pasta salad and watch the office. for the past four days, someone else was wearing this sweatshirt, talking smack about my pasta salad and my lack of TV. but whatever. :)

i feel good about vince's visit on the whole. i don't know if i really want to talk about it right here and right now (for one, i'm starving and i really need to go to bed) or if i ever will. i've got to sift through all of the thoughts in my brain. but it will be an enjoyable process.

tomorrow: easton!

fierce.
(that is all.)

what to post, what to post?

inauguration killed every bone in my body. INTENSE. school makes no sense, as usual. SNOW DAY(S)! yes that's right plural. ice has crippled the streets so i'm in my warm cozy sweats talking to you people. :) launched www.twitter.com/peabodytweets which is taking the bmore twitterverse by storm! (if you're on twitter, go follow me, please!) took trio pictures with the fabulous miss britt the other day and she says that i should get them today! don't worry they will be posted immediately. she says they look great and i trust her cause she has a wonderful eye. vagina monologues goes up in two weeks and i'm so excited. i think it's gonna be huge this year. i also made one of the posters and it is slamming. vince will be here in two weeks and i'm finding out a lot about baltimore in the process. that is very cool and what i had hoped for but not what i expected. giarusso and i are getting along famously (in my tweets he's RG, of course), talle is still being whatever to me (ergh) and i am having the best bassoon semester to date. i think murai wants to find fault with me but he can't (so he takes it out on my section who does not deserve it), camerata is going well and i'm actually pumped about my recital?

okay things get busy as soon as february starts. mahler 9, traviata, three recitals (two FC, one of my own), vagina monologues, audition week --- it is serious. but peabody needs some shaking up over here. :)